li’l confused me

i started this blog as i wanted to share my writing about this boy i have a huge crush on and i was kind of posting the writings on my other social sites but he started reading them and i got suddenly scared. i love writing and capturing my day with words and as this boy is usually a major part of my day he invariably crops up in my writings. my feelings are confusing because i shouldn’t feel for him as he is in a relationship.

yesterday archana and i went to max brenner as she is visiting from california after a long time and before she moved to california, she and i loved to hang out. i don’t befriend many people but we became friends. i have another blog but it’s kind of linked to a religious organization and so i decided i will keep it clean. i have a very strong vocabulary and sometimes it’s too much and so my writing will be uncensored here and it will also serve as a journal.

and in this blog i want to vent things related to my feelings; my feelings about this boy; my political views; anything or everything which bothers me or makes me happy;

archana and i caught up with each other’s life; she told  me that she had two miscarriages and i told her how my husband died; we consoled each other; we didn’t cry because we are strong. she has gone back now to her home, to her husband.

coming back to the boy, my confusion or may be it’s not confusion. archana says i shouldn’t bury my feelings because he has a girl friend. as long as he isn’t married, she says, i should explore and leave it to the “universe” hahaha… by that she meant leave it to God. she is a hindu so…  i sort of understand what she means but i am like but i heard the boy say he is working up to ask his girl friend to marry and i am like ugh ! i know he isn’t married but i want him to be happy… i had very traumatic endings to my relationships (two) and i don’t want anything but being content and happy and he makes me smile. but i am also scared. so i am doing the best thing i do… write ! and write !

see you soon, dear blog !

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