i’m completely smitten and there’s no goddamn hope for me at all and i’m confused by all this and all i kept saying was how strange it is to be happy again (even it  only exists in my mind), and to laugh with someone completely (over a printer), to feel good because things are just as they are without even seeing it coming and it is all i can think about in the dark of the city, the quiet of an empty apartment, with heavy eyes and a full heart.

i had bonded laughing with him over a printer. we have a color printer which is situated in my cubicle and sometime people print into it and lately it has been acting up and we are not repairing it as all our company’s machines are getting upgraded to new ones. and also when he prints, somehow the settings go wacky and not print and i told him to send me the file in case he needed something printed, but he went and printed anyway and of course, the printer didn’t print and he started talking about the printer and i kept telling him that his laptop confuses my printer and on and on we were debating and then he is like “you didn’t have any problems while printing this” and i was like “no” and he is why don’t you show me… so i opened the file and was printing and he is like “i’m from missouri; do you know missouri” and while thinking why was he talking about missouri but answered yes because i went to school in kansas and he was like missouri is show me state and i laughed so hard and then of course the file got printed and he started making another excuse but it was so much fun to laugh with him and oh, i so wish he were single !

this evening when i walking to the train station, i realized that i’m exactly where i wanted to be in my life; like right now. i’ve found myself writing again, something which i’m excited about, a boy (even if in my head) who makes me happy for no reason in particular other than the fact that he’s around. confidence growing in me when i least expect it and i feel so blessed and thankful and i’m sure i sound like broken record, but goddamn, can this feeling just stick around for a while ? some people have paris, i’ve this moment by the printer !!

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