when i was coming home tonight the autumn sun was setting and as he was saying his passionate farewells, he set fire to the sky and to all the trees, locking them in his fiery embrace which lasted only a few minutes but what an embrace it was !
sometimes the sun sets at such a perfect angle and that the number of degrees between the ocean and the moon is adjacent to the way i feel about you on a particularly emerald nights or are they ruby nights ? the other day someone told me that in order to truly understand the phenomenon known as accidental daydreaming, you must focus all your energy on the gold flecked lights that precariously hang in the gaps between negative space and your imagination…. this morning so early almost on the lip of the morning, i was lying on my bed, thinking of you.. how i wish the evening’s slumber had not stolen me from lovers’ words. and still, i waited patiently tucking thoughts back as if they were strands of hair. i marvel that i should feel such an honest love and so full of layered devotion. would you believe me if i confessed that i speak in sensual language during the hours of my slumber ? i’m always with you – the threads tethering me to you are tightly woven and not time, nor years or distance can pull these apart. and one day soon (i promise), we will hold each other till dawn. my mind is savoring the taste of your fingers touching mine, your tender hold and our first embrace… and here i lie, sighing, and hands clasped and waiting.
it feels dangerous to love someone from afar in the autumn. i have become overly aware of everything around me – the shiver of my body when i step into the crisp air, the tenderness of everyone who feels the slow decay of nature, the fickle attitude of weather patterns and hearts.
you start to notice what isn’t there, too. the warmth of a hand folded into yours, quiet conversations with your breath hanging in the air. lonely gets harder. sometimes it feels easier to push it aside, ignore the absence with excuses and replacements. to forget the important part of you that lingers with someone else, the places where they have filled you with their pieces.
maybe that slippage, the way we hesitate during the elongated pauses, is the problem with distance. i hate to always return to the idea of bravery, of courage, yet maybe that’s the only way to be sustainable these days. may be it’s better to burn out than to fade away.