autumn moons make me wanna stay at home and take long baths and wear nothing but a bathrobe and stare at the moon drinking coffee and just dream…. tonight, while i was coming home from my doc appointment, i saw the moon still half but glowing with a promise of becoming a full and beautiful one… i love full moons and cold, crisp air, crunchy leaves, wearing hoodies, making sweater traps for my babies (they get stuck in my sweaters because of their claws), disillusionments, warm glow of fire places, hot chocolates and endless coffees, freshly made banana nut bread and cuddles with my kitties and lying on a warm pile of clothes freshly taken out of the dryer.. feel like taking a day off, cleaning the house, refusing to shower, eating junk food (i have none at home currently) and reading poems with no pants on.
i’m not sure how i lose my socks all the time…but i seem to be buying them every other week… so well now i have to wear new socks and for some reason these socks are slipping off into my boots and i’ve to stop and undo the laces of my boots and pull the goddamn socks up and lace up again and my whole story is something as silly and hysterical as that i read on tumblr and i keep giggling to myself – well, what else is new, eh ? “i walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
for the second day in a row, i haven’t been to the gym and i am slightly cringing that i will get slapped on my bum by my ballet teacher and aargh ! yesterday it was doing food shopping for my baby bastet as i ran out of her favorite food and of course when i went to petsmart there was this guy who was buying $100 worth of wet food for a charity and well i was happy that he is buying food for the animals but it took a long time. from there, i, um… i am not sure what i did because when i got home it was late….. tonight i have made an appointment to get my eyes checked because i haven’t been to the eye doctor since 2012 and things are getting blurry again and i thought i should. i got all the exams taken care of and my eyes are fine and my vision changed a bit and i am getting new glasses and the lady who was helping me and i laughed and giggled the whole way through but it was another late night.
there is this boy who creeps into our floor and uses one of the conf. rooms which is right in front of me, as his own and at first i thought, he is visiting from some other office and so he was put in there but then i found out that he just was squatting and it honestly is aggravating me… to top it off, now because of him, other colleagues of his started coming up to escape their floor and i chased them off and i haven’t resolved this problem yet but by god, i will. in the meantime, one of my colleagues. pete, went into that room and closed the door to make a phone call and he did that when i wasn’t at my desk and so when i came back, i naturally assumed that it was jake, the squatter and so i called the facilities people on him and well… it was pete ! pete is like i forgive you and i told him the whole story and well, now tommy and pete are teasing me and of course we all burst into giggle fits…i can’t even tell you how i get into such situations….
my boy is very protective of his team and more often than not, i have to explain certain things to him why something is this way or that way and i have to be very careful how i present my points because you see, i can easily get on his nerves and so i try and explain correctly and carefully. i actually like one of his team members. genevieve. i always have trouble pronouncing names because when i see a name, my brain automatically pronounces it in french and well, i have to make a conscious effort to pronounce it in english. i think she is genuine, you know pure in spirit. i think she is from a small town or village and not quite contaminated by big city. and more importantly, i think she figured me out… i put up a very bitchy exterior and hide behind makeup and red lipstick to protect myself and she figured this out. i’m not expecting much from her anyway as humans have this awful habit of hurting me very badly and i survived and i learnt my lessons and i am cautiously friendly. all in all, i like her more than anyone else in the office well, obviously my boy comes first as he has my heart and of course this other director who i really admire and have lots of respect for him and i hold him in high esteem.
today my boy crept in quietly and i didn’t realize he was in the office till he went past my cubicle and i almost jumped off of my skin…. and i was momentously angry at him for not announcing his arrival… how dare he ? but i was giddy with happiness to see him and i also talked to him briefly and i grow very small in his presence and i of course, kick myself for feeling this way…… what am i ? a teenager ?
it’s been a handful of quiet blissful days, pressing emotions into the lines of my palm to remember to share with you later. we will share all of these, aren’t we ? all of this feels so big, so on the goddamn cusp, so right on the edge of this uncomfortable place i have returned to, surrounded by people i’ve no common threads with, but for you & me, our knots that tether us are tied in different places; my love stems from collecting & not creating, so this is me stumbling blindly into this autumn, this silent preparation for what is to come s & i’m once again giving myself to something that once felt terrifying but now provides a comfort, a gentle murmur in the silences between us, here we go, here we go, here we go.
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