i can’t even explain it but like, damn, fall speaks to my soul on such an intimate, deep level. like it places it’s hands on my knees and looks deep into my soul and asks me personal questions… did you see the moon tonight ? it’s not full yet but on the verge of being one…. the feeling that resonates inside me when the weather turns crisp and the earth turns grey is so powerful and positive i can hardly contain it.
this day started awful… my cat boy minnu, is mama’s boy and when he is not out frolicking in the yard (he and his brother sonu jump the fence and go gallivanting), he sticks close to his mama and tries to help me and so if i open the clothes dryer door, he gets in there, and if i open refrigerator door, he jumps in there and one time, i opened the refrigerator door and he jumped in when my back was turned and i haven’t realized that and i coolly shut the door and then i could hear him meowing faintly and i thought he went out and i called and called and when he stopped answering i thought he jumped the fence and gone….after an hour or more, may be, for some reason i had to open the refrigerator and when i saw him, my heart just stopped and he was cold and i quickly tucked him under my shirt so my body can heat him up and my word, i would have died if anything had happened to him. and now i keep checking and double checking the refrigerator esp when i have to go out and i get panicky if i don’t see him before i walk out of the door…
so when i got home last night, he came down the steps to the garage bouncing and immediately jumped into my arms and helped me to put things away and when i opened the boot of my car, he jumped in it and stayed there and i took the shopping upstairs to put away and he followed me like the lamb he is and i completely forgot that i left the boot open and in itself it’s not bad at all, but i have the car lights on auto and so unless all the doors and boot are shut, the lights stay on…. you know where i am going with this right ?
so when i came bouncing down the stairs this morning, got into my lexus boy and inserted the key and turned and nothing !!!
i screamed but it was getting late so i trotted off to the train station, silently promising myself that i will punish minnu when i get home… and i arrived at the station sweating (it was warm today) and i had a thick sweater on and saw the train leaving as i was walking up to the station and i wanted to cry…
it’s getting harder for me to avoid the boy especially when i hear him a foot or two away and all my being keeps still and breathes in his every whisper and word and i almost cried for not seeing him. but i made it another day by the skin of my teeth…
withdrawal sets in when ?
there was a bit of hilarity about the muffin tops… someone at work took off the muffin top to eat and left the stem and brian came to me to report it and i educated him on this particular episode of seinfeld on the same topic… muffin tops and we had a good laugh.
brian wanted to find out why i haven’t shown up for the breakfast stuff this morning and i rolled my eyes….enough said ?!? i’ve stopped going to the social gathering of the office as they are immensely boring and i have nothing in common with anyone and they all talk about some stuff which doesn’t interest me and ugh… it’s a torture honestly as the boy will be there and he never talks to me (because we have nothing in common and i could wear an eagles jersey but i don’t care for eagles and fuck that ! i would never bleach my hair blonde to attract someone or flutter my eyelashes at someone or pretend to be someone i am not… even if he were terry, my blue eyed boy !)
and well… i probably went for one or two events and then i stopped… they recently had a halloween costume thingy and i didn’t go, not because i don’t wanna socialize but more like it’s pagan and i can’t get into that for religious reasons; but now everyone is like why aren’t you there and i am like ummm……..
i left early to come home to get aaa to jumpstart my car and it’s like an hour and a half wait and i changed my clothes for my ballet class and while waiting i danced around a bit….
i sat on the stoop (?) or threshold of my front door with a layer of sweat dancing on my skin and watched the sky turn from blue to a misty grey and orange, a sweet dank smell in the air and bit musty… i love this feeling. overcome with a calmness that starts in my fingertips and settles in my chest…. being thankful
the guy came and jumped my car and like everyone else who met my car(s) fell in love with it and i took his phone no. because he is going to do a bit of work on it and promised me he won’t charge me an arm and a leg and honestly, i would rather give him my car to work on it and then take it for a drive than to someone who don’t appreciate my cars… i mean, i am a classy woman and i own things which have class or i will go without it… never settle for knock-offs…
on my way back from ballet, the moon was bright (almost) it’s not full moon yet but it was beautiful and i was in tears because i miss terry… i’m thinking i need someone so i can fall apart in their arms and a chest to sob into…
for the blue-eyed boy with a backpack, i never once imagined i would accidentally meet you and that i would have something in my life as amazing (goddamn ! i’m hoping you are amazing) as you.
i want you to reveal your secrets. may be i will tap you on the tip of your nose with my fingers and let my warmth fade gently into your skin, mingle with your blood to reveal an inky scrawl of the marauder’s map, telling me exactly where i need to go to figure you out. help me to find you. i see you in the cusp of the trees, in the keys of a piano, in the soft curves of a flower… the strings of the violin, seems to leak your voice in whispers and i see you in the soft curtains in the glow of the morning sun… help me to know you… help me to figure you out and i want you to reveal me your secrets.
for the boy with the backpack, maybe i will keep making the same mistakes again and again; maybe i will keep making a handful of u-turns and maybe that’s just what life is about sometimes; taking chances on strangers and not worrying about getting lost along the way. i’m keeping my heart open.
ps: goddamn ! i need another boy to write about ! a boy who is single and available and completely compatible with me…