one hundred years..

IMG_2079 i am a bit sad for reasons and i am confused… it’s not the right time for me to enter dating scene but i know it will never be a right time… i’ll wait one hundred years for my lover to notice me and come find me…

things are changing rapidly and all my days are evaporating quickly.

pictured: my nice warm fireplace
not pictured: me chugging diet lemon coke straight from the can, eating a slice of sprouted whole wheat bread w/ flax and chia seeds and with goat butter generously spread over it and also looking quite pissed off at terry (not his fault but he is the reason i am sad), me wallowing in my inability to handle life while accidentally getting vegetables everywhere..

it’s been bitter cold lately and temps dipped into twenties especially at night and my bed is full y’all, as all my kids (or mostly) made their way into my bed… we huddled close, with me under the blankets and my kitties on my blanket…. friday i stayed home and worked and that meant i get to stay in bed another half an hour and once i fed my kids and made myself coffee, i built a fire and we all sat in the light of the fire and watched the world go by… now it’s usually watching the leaves falling off of my big old tree..

i will be honest with you… i seriously thought a lot about closing down this blog (and i may still do it) but for now i may leave it as it is..

my kids were happy that i stayed home and ran around me in circles while i was doing my chores. my friend jack still hasn’t replied re. the philly orchestra (update: he just texted a very lengthy text and said that he is fat and he will let me know soon regarding the orchestra)

after sundown saturday, i made my way into city to have dinner with a friend and we were squealing and the usual “you need to date” lecture started and i was mocking her and in general making fun of the situation and we started writing up a profile for the dating sites (btw, my profile is somewhere on some dating sites and i am not paying for it and this whole thing actually bores me to tears) and i was giving out the points of what i would put in and we were laughing a lot at all the silly (but true) things which i look for in a man…. you get the picture !

all of a sudden, this guy from next table, pops over and is like “i will go to church with you and i also read books”…. which actually took me by surprise and so on so forth and what have you, sigh…. i have his email address (and his phone no) and today he wrote me to ask me if i would have dinner with him on wednesday and i replied not this week.
he has two boys and he works for some pharma and italian…. bah ! i wish he had a daughter as well and when he said “i’ve two boys ages 11 and 9 and they are good kids”, i was like “i have many cats and they are good kids as well”

guys, i don’t have a problem in meeting men who want to date me, but i am looking for a guy who falls head over heels for me and who would sweep me off of my feet… who would love me in spite of me being a total bitch and care for me when i am being impossible… who wouldn’t mind going browsing in second hand book stores (it’s my favorite pastime) or just walk hand in hand with me around the city and share kisses over coffee and make out in the subways while waiting for a train. preferably a vegetarian and a parisian and speak romance in french. also you know, a believer who would tear up with me when we get married because we found each other and because i were worth his wait and because he was worth mine….

aaarrrrgh !

note to self: stop making perfectly nice people develop feelings for you when you can’t reciprocate them.

good night everyone !


a sad fat squirrel

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