what’s with my lying to boys i like when they ask a straight forward question ? my american boy terry, came over to me yesterday at work and asked me if i watched the flyers game (ice hockey) the night before and which i haven’t watched but i lied and said yes. this is half truth as i did know they lost and i recorded the game as i was out on a semi-date with a boy who has been chasing after me over two years and i have been brushing him off as he just turned 30 last year and so he is much younger than i am and i know i don’t look my age but i am clearly ancient in wisdom and experiences, but i thought it is only fair to give him a shot and so am interviewing him and other boys (sort of) as i need to find a lover for my needs and whateves… and a little background. i am a flyers fan and most of the time i parade around the office in my flyers hoodie and now a days i am also sporting my leg warmers and i could care less how i look as i have breathing issues and this blistering cold weather is making it hard for me to breathe as it is and my chest and lungs hurt almost all the time. so i was actually a bit surprised as he was discussing his american sports with me. but lately he has been putting in some effort into chatting with me and i am like “dude, why ?”
and honestly terry, i fall for you over and over again and i really don’t know why but i would like to blame you anyways…
my american boy keeps me up at night and to be honest, i am reeling in my feelings for him and oh, i overheard him telling someone that he lives by himself ? (which surprised me as i thought, for sure he lives with his girlfriend) and my brain went in so many different directions including you should call me up on cold nights to come up and warm you up thoroughly lol.
terry may not realize it but i am being very nice and not trying to capture his attention because he has a girlfriend, but if he doesn’t watch out, he may end up getting hooked in my tentacles anyways and then end up in my bed. i think he may love this as he likes to fish… 😊
i’ve reasons why i want to talk to him, but i am avoiding him as the more i talk to him, the more i want to jump him and kiss him so goddamn hard but i don’t because i am a decent upstanding member of the society. and also, i’m slightly concerned that he may be a bit shallow and i need someone who is intellectual and philosophical but to be fair, it’s only my impression as i don’t know him as a person and haven’t made any effort whatsoever to know him, and i’m not spending my energy into knowing someone who isn’t available as it’s not cost effective and so terry, if you ever become single and available, you should look me up and only if you think you can handle me. but, i think i actually would like to chat and know you as a person for academic reasons.
i consider that one cannot love without being on the edge of cliff. every annoyance is a heartbreak and every question eats away at you. if you love without passion you do not really love. and my love is very chaotic and passionate; it’s bites on lips and sucking on ear lobes, scratches on the back and sex is rough, and passionate, gasping for air and gasping for life, pretty much.
i have decided i would polish up on my french so i can join french social meets where i can encounter french boys. as i said, it’s been a while since i had sex and i’m still not convinced that i should remarry but in case i decided not to marry, i would need a lover in a hurry and i usually plan five years into my future and the future i’ve being laying out for myself is going to become really hectic and busy soon and i may not have time to find a good man and i don’t want to end up on tinder or worse so i can have a fuck and gosh, i so need to fuck.
also i want to brush up on the languages because of the future i am laying out for myself in this corporation.
i am excited about my future. the executive, to who i sent my resume remembered me (and i was actually surprised because for sure i thought i would have to remind him) and kept his word and made phone calls for a contact person for me to talk to and he called me up on wednesday and gave me the contact’s name and i immediately dropped him an email and i will be talking to him tomorrow and i am so goddamn excited. the best which could come from this is me being able to transition without a hiccup, and worse could be in terms of time and course work and laying down the foundation and getting into an entry level where i may end up making less than what i am right now but i am thinking that’s the risk i will take because the result is worth it as i am clearly very intelligent (you may all be aware of my lack of modesty by this time and as i have repeated multiple times but i believe modesty is for losers and i know what i am and what i am capable of)
i am also thinking of adding this as an objective on my resume “i would like to excel and make sufficient money in order to give my cats a luxurious life and for providing them with good preventative care in terms of their diet, supplements and also so i can meet their vet bills”.
well, here’s to 2018; and to frigid winters and fragrant springs and dreamy summers and orgasmic autumns. here’s to the books i’ll be reading this year. here’s to loving art and musique and connecting and appreciating passions of other people. here’s to more creativity and here’s to soaking in the light and darkness this year may shed on me. here’s to falling in love again and again, and to keep on loving (you) and learning regardless of whatever. here is to healing and inspiration.