thaw !


i’m 3% sassy and now a days, i can’t walk sassily because of all the thaw and the resulting slippery floors. better rain than snow, though.

i’m exhausted and quite frankly want to just stay under the covers and not interact with any humans. and these subzero temps we had last week knocked my breath out.  this monday there was rain just in time for the evening rush hour and because the ground was frozen solid, all the rain turned into ice and i left an hour early so i can go home safe and sound and still i found that the walk home was slippery and perilous and i ended up walking in the middle of road. the next morning i was in late as all the ground has become ice and i had to wait for the sun to come up and melt a bit and when i got to work, i saw that terry left the papers on the ledge for me and i smiled ! that’s the best feeling i ever get. terry kindly gives me his wall street journals once he finishes with them and he leaves them for me and this little gesture of his makes me smile every time ! it’s the same feeling i get whenever i got flowers or unexpected texts ! while julien was good with flowers, jace wasn’t so much on flowers but he left little love notes everywhere for me to find. even now, i find a note here and there and this warms my heart plenty.

today was so lovely in terms of weather. it drizzled the entire day and i dreamed of sitting in a small café with terry (for lack of a name for a lover), eating soft cakes and scones and drinking tea.

i worked hard on my future plans this week. had chatted with people, met with people with good information and am getting ready. i’ve fairly good idea the direction i want to move and i made an appointment with my boss so i can check with her about what she thinks.

when i was a child, i always thought by this time i would be settled with a good husband, two children and a house with a white picket fence and maybe i would have been a professor or a poetess.

and oh the heart breaks i have to endure instead ! this is me starting all over again and some days i honestly want to throw in my towel (i kid you not… i want to literally pickup a towel and fling it down with all my might !) or throw myself out of the window.

but as life would have it i have kids and they need their mum. horus is doing well and as i had to feed the kid like  every four hours, and the first feeding sake i started getting up at 3 am to feed him and then i would feed him again around 7:30 before running out of the door for my job and after i get back home, i feed him again around 6:30 and the fourth feeding at 10:30 pm

and because of these early morning feedings, sometimes i don’t get back to sleep at all and so i am walking around a bit zombie-ish. but he is my child and i will take care of him, even if i have to for the rest of his life and mine.

his doctor kept bitching about the fact that i brought horus in for a f/u checkup at day 11 instead of 5 to 7 days and i explained to him it’s because of the weather, but he kept bitching and i was annoyed and pissed a bit but he is my baby’s doctor and you don’t yell at someone like that so i endured his continued complaining. before i left i told him i would have brought him in if he wasn’t doing well or worse.

and honestly though, my child is doing well and still not showing interest in eating but now he is responding to me when i call him and comes up to me and sleeps in my bed and his eyes are sparkling like diamonds. i often wonder if i should date a veterinarian and marry one for my babies sake.

i have decided not to go out these three days as we have a long weekend… just have a pile of blankets i have to wash. there’s a big match this sat evening between eagles and falcons (american football) and for my american boy sake i want eagles to win but the odds are way big as eagles suck. i’ll update you with glee the moment the game is done and also patriots will be playing tonight as well but their win is a definite.

i’m getting ready to do another feeding for my child but i have been pondering lately about this and i’m hoping to find an answer…

how to stay light and fluffy and soft in a world which pricks and stings ?

well, my darlings, hope you all stay light and fluffy and soft in spite of the thorns.

à demain !

update : on the nfl game…. well, eagles won against falcons in the playoff by the skin of their teeth but a win is a win. they will face vikings this sunday (jan 21).  patriots as i predicted won with ease…. can’t wait for them to win this superbowl !

allez, allez patriots !

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