autumn

fall

last blog i kind of started off talking about changing my eating habits again but got distracted by browns tying-up the game (american football).

to start off, i lost another 0.5 lbs so after almost three months of working out i lost a total of 1 lb… yay ?!? also i not only made the gym board last month (for the month of august) but i actually topped it and i was goddamn pleased with it but alas this month my name is nowhere to be seen as i put in no time in september.

as i kept bleating over and over, asthma took (and is still taking) a toll on my health and weight management; also lack of motivation due to wanting to give up on life for a while also didn’t help (confession: i still want to give up but i don’t see a way out yet as my kitties will be orphans); and i finally gotten enlightenment where i realized that i can die a little every day and be miserable or just try and make changes and start dancing again and to get back into ballet and look like old self again, i changed my mindset and making all kinds of changes and giving my old funny self a chance to come out and be a dancer. working out is a good thing if you already don’t know it. it’s good because, endorphins. it makes you feel great about yourself and keeps you happy. working out is a good stress reliever because one is not allowed to kill that annoying coworker or a family member. i know it’s not easy as i made myself into a whale, but i am determined to dance, whale or not… getting fit (i am not talking about becoming thin) is not easy as my body learnt to become lazy and gotten into severe bad eating habits; again, i stress that one could be a vegetarian but still have bad eating habits… i started setting myself goals with very small changes.

i started eating at least one avocado religiously everyday because i want to work towards becoming a vegan and i usually rely on eggs for omega 3s and 6s fatty acids and avocados are a good substitute.

currently my nutritional intake is roughly about 85% carb, 10% protein and 5% fat and i need to adjust my ratios to somewhere like 68% carb, 18% protein and 14% fat which is easier said than done and aaaaaaaaaargh !

also i’m finding myself doing a big pot of meals with flesh for the “if it doesn’t have meat in it, i won’t eat it” member of my household aka sandalwood and a small pot of completely plant based meals for myself and this gotta change as it’s bad enough i’ve to debone, deskin and defat, roast chickens for my kitty babies and now i’ve cook as well with flesh and frankly, bleh ! yesterday when i was shopping for some meat, i found a butterflied lamb and i picked it up with the tips of my fingers and was carrying it at arms length while looking for a plastic bag to put it in, when a guy at the grocery store helped me with that, commenting that my hands looked full (i was carrying the lamb thing in one hand and my car keys in the other) – i always have adventures at the store. one time i was trying to get a bottle of lemon juice which was on the top shelf and towards back and i’m a tiny person. after standing on my toe tips, and stretching and almost climbing the grocery store shelf, i finally got hold of a bottle and for a second i was pleased with myself on this victory only to find that the bottle i blindly grabbed at was wrong type of lemon juice and i loudly went “fucking hell” and turned around and almost ran into this guy who was behind me and he coolly went “do you want me to grab your bottle” and he did.

finally my boys patriots are warming up and winning games – still ways to go to win the super bowl but patience is a virtue – these sports are not good for my blood pressure; as i keep grinding my teeth, screaming and pulling my hair.. but watching sports is fun 😊

on work front, things are great as usual. tim recently lost his sister and i felt very sorry for him. he is one of those strong silent types, who hide their feelings. i tried my best to console him. and oh, at my work, there is a jewish person (whom i haven’t met) in another city and one day we were exchanging work related emails, and i wished him happy rosh hashanah (as it was that time) and he was pleasantly surprised and since then we have been sharing our faith. i am strictly “if you ask me i’ll share my faith” person and this is giving me an opportunity to share. i asked eric, the silent one, to teach me deadlifts at gym and oh well, since my last conversation, he was too busy with work and couldn’t get into gym. my gym time is also a bit less what with work (apparently i have to work as i need to get paid) and the whole farce with brett kavanaugh hearings. there are a few people at work who told me that they like chatting with me and one day this boy came up to talk to me and after he left, my colleague is like you were flirting with that boy. it’s a possibility as i am a big flirt and i do it without even thinking, but this boy is a child and as much as i date men who are far younger than i am, i don’t think i would date anyone who isn’t yet 30

september is done (why is time in such a hurry ?) – i embraced september’s dark and dreary and watched it’s beautiful decline into decay and nature preparing for it’s winter sleep. october came with a flourish and with remnants of august summer. i am terrified of my own happiness. i have been retracing steps and examining how things were going, and more importantly fixing what was broken. it rained hard last night, showers a little today, all courtesy of a storm who is making an appearance in my neighborhood, but the still cool temps helped me through a medium-long run of couple of miles.  it was a pretty sight, running through the mists in the dusk lights of the neighborhood. as a general rule, i don’t go running as i want to protect my knees but yesterday i couldn’t hit the gym and my body wants pain and this phase feels right, and looking like all the pain and sweat of these weeks is gonna pay off.

the best things of life are not things, but moments. somedays are just wonderful and i just want to tie them up into a little bouquet. i’m trying to create beautiful moments with my babies. every sunday i throw open my front door and my kids run around in the lawn while i try and straighten out the house. there’s a big difference between being centered and being self-centered.if you live your life as if everything is about you… you will be left with just that. just you. magic is inside you and it is all around. it’s in the twinkling wink of the stars and in the whispers of the wind in the trees; and it’s in the seductive scents of the flowers; and in my heart when it skips a beat every time i see american boy; it’s in the warm embrace of my kitties and it’s in the spark when sandalwood and i kiss. and all i need to do is pull off the darkness that shrouds my view and call up the magic which is buried deep inside me…

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