so far this january….

it’s been a handful of days since i moved into my new place. i haven’t unpacked yet. i probably won’t. my kids and i are still getting used to the new place. the first few days at the new place i tried recover from all the driving i did and the side effects of prednisone; when i was still taking prednisone, i literally felt the fat depositing on my tummy and my face and i was worried for a second but my newly acquired ability to breathe fully into my lungs won out; and oh my god, i was so hungry all the time… but once i finished the course, my fat deposits started to come off and my hunger diminished but then again, new set of problems crept in because prednisone acts by lowering the immune system responses; so my body hurts (and hurting), i feel a bit fatigued… but i am sure these will go away soonish…

i kept all the lights on in the house as it’s a new place and i don’t want my kids to slip and break their legs; also i haven’t quite figured out how to keep enough light so it’s not completely dark on account, i am not comfortable in total darkness.

my kids are happy and my plants are happy – already some of their leaves are budding. i have many lavender plants in makeshift pots – i have to find them suitable places and so far i spent my weekends sleeping or trying to familiarize myself with the shopping centre in my area.

i love the current neighborhood.  my original thought of buying a house somewhere near my old house is no longer firm and i may want to check out this area and if i find a house i fall in love with, i probably will stay here. all the shopping i need and usually care for is within few mins of my house and they are all near to each other and i am super happy like a kitty with a bowl full of cream. for example, the petsmart (where i buy kitty supplies) is right next to a super market where i buy things like paper towels and my starbucks french roast coffee !! i buy the beans and grind them for my morning coffee ritual !

when i get up in the morning, i make a bee line to the kitchen to start my coffee and while it’s brewing, i feed my kids while inhaling the sweet aroma of the same and i then pour my first cup of coffee. my french roast is the decadent pleasure of epic proportions that fits into a cup which i keep nestled between my hands, and i dream while i’m still awake and of visions that have me plotting a second cup of french roast goodness because another cup of this delectable delight is most definitely needed.

during the weekend (esp during winter time), i sit transfixed in front of a fire that entertains me with warm dancing flames, while my mind wanders and plots the biggest cup of coffee ever, and nostalgia of such past days wrap me up in in the warmest kind of embrace until i swear that i’m drinking a cup of pure magic. sigh. and it’s this delicious thought that makes me smile all the way.

but i digress  – in summary, i am surprised that i am happy with this little area where there is so much open space, open skies and i am pretty sure it will be filled with greenery come spring. can’t fucking wait ! and oh the other day when i was going to work, i saw a deer crossing the road and it made me smile.

my morning commute has been bit difficult but i am coming to terms with it…. the very first day i was to return to work this year, i was late as i couldn’t find parking for my car and when i finally parked, the train came into the station and i had to turn and get in my car and drove to work while informing my boss that i missed the train. there’s construction, apparently, since two years, and so there is this circuitous route one needs to take to get to the platform to get on the train and while i secretly am happy because i am burning some much needed calories with these everyday hikes to the platform, but while i’m actually hiking, i curse left and right.

there are many many people who travel into the city with me and i am not pleased as i would like to have the entire train to myself. but as i don’t own the train, i settled to just observe the people and i right away found out one glaringly obvious thing. everyone dresses up in the same way like stepford wives – professionally that is, with black slacks, and dressy tops and black or brown shoes and here i am, almost hobo chic… also my boss is trying to make me a well dressed girl but i am a tomboy and dresses and i don’t go well; my mother tried it before – having said that i probably would become one of the stepford people as i don’t like to stand out.

i am enjoying my train rides as within a few minutes into the travel, the sun comes up and i smile brightly – i read on my ride and i have finished the book “a thousand splendid suns” and i was angry when this brute of a husband was beating up on his wife and i couldn’t wait get back to my book when the protagonist found out that the love of her life wasn’t actually dead ! i was impatient all that day at work and when i was on the platform to catch my train i eagerly and greedily got back to my book. that book was a hard read for me as i am a card carrying feminist and any form of domestic abuse is not okay with me and i just can’t understand how women (and some men) put up with such stuff. i started rereading the book “perfume – the story of a murderer” by patrick suskind as i recently watched a series with the same name which mentions this book.

the other day my train was late and i was sitting on a bench surrounded by a sea of people and there was this elderly gentleman sitting next to me and started chatting with me: gave me tips on how to polish vinyl and plastic and how not to get dust on your leather shoes; and at this point, my train was running late and so the announcer came on the overhead speakers and was telling the same and then another train came in which goes to trenton and the announcer was painfully telling everyone that this particular train is express to trenton and not to thorndale (my train); the elderly gentleman told me, that there will be people who would get on the trenton express and then they would have to trek all the way back to city to get on the train to thorndale because in spite of the announcer repeating the message many times, people would be stupid enough to get on the wrong train; we both giggled loudly and all the other people standing around looked at us suspiciously.

this weekend is very important as my boys patriots are playing and i am not overly concerned as i know they will win.

a colleague and i went out to eat a bit and chat and during the conversation i told her that i like someone but as he has a girlfriend i am waiting for such a time he is single. she immediately asked if he is some one from work and though i almost got caught, i masked my answer with something else.

i try to stop time, whenever i am busy dreaming about you. the times when our eyes lock, and the times when i talk to you – trivialities – but precious. looped memories i play over and over again.  i lose myself within a world full of so little words and lots of feelings; waiting, may be for a moment when you take a chance on us and decide to see what may exist between your heart and mine. may be waiting for you to take that leap of faith and see what you might find and hopefully like; i’m sitting next to you in my mind, and discussing things – that life is all about living and taking chances when they appear; and discussing things like love which are often too fragile at the beginning and wondering if our love would continue to grow; and i continue to store all memories in a bottomless box; and may be hoping to revisit them in my (our) old age and relive !

but here we are – each of us lost in thoughts as we silently weigh the odds of us

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