red lipstick

february is melting away in tiny drops and making way into march… but i think nature has come unglued and became bipolar (and yes, pun intended). after living a long time with garages for cars, i got smart and now a days i figured out how to work around with cars in non-garages and in ice / snow / sleet. now a days, as soon as i take a shower and get dressed, i run out and start my car, irrelevant what the weather is like… it’s simpler that way as some days, i would walk out to find my car completely iced up and i have wait for the ice to thaw and then i almost miss my train. and i realized that when the weather man says it’s 30 degrees, i should subtract at least 10 degrees to figure out my current temps.

ah life in the burbs, yo ! i found out that unless a miracle happens, i may not be able to buy a house around here as none of the houses (and i looked up to 500k) are worth my money. they are huge houses but no personality in them. and i want to slap whoever wanted that kind of money for those houses as i would have to completely remodel the house… so here is my new plan and i think i already found a couple of houses which caught my eye and they are kind of nearer to my old neighborhood, with huge yards (important for my cats to roam around and for me to plant a huge garden) and one house i’m almost in love with has french doors and windows even though that’s not a must as i will quickly replace them as soon as i can. i wish i could find a french colonial with juliet balcony but alas i’m not in france and i also wish when i open my french windows i will see eiffel tower…  it’s fun as i’m already shopping for floor mirrors and decadent curtains either from morocco or egypt…

i think there is nothing sexier than a man reading a book ! and a very rare sight indeed, but they do exist. in my commute i find a few men, reading away and i am pleased. i also look at the images of men (usually shirtless) with kittens and puppies and for whatever reason it’s adorable.

i’ve really really come strides and lengths with food in ways i wouldn’t have imagined at all and i’m really proud of myself for that instead of feeling unsatisfied. past saturday sandalwood and i have gone mountain biking; him on proper bike and me on a bike not meant for mountains and it was rough for me; i half biked and then decided i will just take my bike for a walk; my lungs ached so much and i almost passed out for a couple of times and that made me fucking mad and i was angry at my debilitating asthma and at my lungs for succumbing to it… i mean, here they are, have a cozy job like being the lungs of a very intelligent person and then they get asthma.. that made me a vegan on the spot (with one exception, that i will have cream with my coffee and i already drink almond milk and have ice cream made with coconut milk) ! i mean, i was already working at it but i just went shopping like on thursday and bought brie, finishing butter, eggs, and yogurts, and i don’t like to throw food away and i thought i will be vegan after i finish them but after that biking episode, i decided to fuck all the dairy food and i will of course rehome the brie and butter… a week or so ago i made a big pot of cabbage with veggie sausages and so on saturday while coming home, we dropped into a store so i can buy more sausages for the dinner, and i was going round and round in circles to find the sausages and i can’t find them… after making two laps round the store with me, sandalwood gave up and parked himself near a cashier and every time i went past him, he is like “you look like an adorable half-witch” on account my hair is unmanageable at any time of the day but after that hiking, the hair was kind of damp with all the sweat… i finally found a store guy who took me to the meat section to show me the beyond the meat burgers and i was thinking what self-respecting vegetarian or vegan would go look for these in the meat section but i think it’s more for the carnivores than for vegetarians or vegans… this was my first experience with this beyond the meat burgers and sausages and having prepared and ate them, i can testify that they are awesome… and more over they are not soy products so double plus from me. and i also finally found the field roast brand sausages which i was actually looking for.

i have also started researching on asthma and types of asthma and goddamn either asthma goes, or i die trying to rid it… i incorporated some vitamins and not sure if it’s a placebo effect but i feel better ? ! ?

personal training is well under the way where i am huffing and puffing away to glory and trying to build up stamina and i bought a pull up bar for home to work on my flexibility… may be i should buy a pole ?

also on sunday, i spent a whole day getting pampered and after $500 i got massaged, bleached, waxed, scrubbed and polished and i probably squeak as my aesthetician removed an entire layer of epidermis…

an update on barbara and she was supposed to come out to my house this sunday but her husband and soon to be ex, came to chat with her. and after her chat, she called me telling me that he actually expected her to have sex with him (he takes sildanafil citrate to get aroused) and she is like i’m so disgusted and i’m seriously thinking of becoming a lesbian. and i was like ‘well don’t look at me as i like sex a lot and i especially enjoy sex with a penis’ – fun fact sildenafil is prescribed to cats and dogs to decrease the hypertension (like heart & lung probs) and one time, one of my kids was prescribed this !

there is a coop girl in my company, and i feel blessed because of her. i always felt awful for not having children because after losing my son, i became panicky at the thought of having children but i always wanted to adopt a child and i still may. but this girl gave me that satisfaction of being a mum because she also is very taken in by me as we started having these chats and our conversations just flow and we are like minded and after hesitating a lot, i finally confessed to her that if i ever had a daughter, i would want her to be like this girl. she feels closer to me as well, and i can see that we would be keeping in touch a long time after she leaves our company. so i have to say that i no longer feel that void of not having a child and i feel fulfilled. i still want to adopt as there are many many orphaned children.

i put american boy aside for now (not yet scratched him off of my list) as he started behaving bizarre and he is ambiguous and hell no, i won’t have any sort of headachy relationships or have dramas… i had enough of that in my life and i was thinking, dude no one is forcing you and if he is thinking that i will chase him down, that ain’t happening in this life time – and i set the rules. i want him with all my heart, but he has to come with no baggage, no drama and take life at the face value and live in the moment… and if he chooses not to, adieu et bon chance ! and i will write a little poem or story in your honor… once upon a time two minds collided into a thousand words, which soon bloomed into a tragedy – that is, if one could even call it that and despite the tradition, it was not death that separated them but it’s life and so on so forth. i always have other options to explore and i am not even trying.

also i recently got a job offer where they offered a more than what i’m getting paid currently (base salary of $120k+ and bonuses) and i’m almost tempted but i have to buy a house first and so i dropped a line to the hr person to find out if and when i would be getting that kind of salary because well, if i don’t get a counter offer, i will be gone in a year. my current salary is good for the time being, but i like money and am willing to work for it and also i have no intention of working for a salary for the rest of my life and on top of it i have very expensive tastes and i have cats and also i want some money to play the stock market and invest in real estate.

and thus, i have set my priorities before me and i am working on bringing sexy back and i was a ballet dancer and i know how to workout till i’m raw and cut back on calories…been feeling good, been doing that whole “positive feedback loop” thing, and it’s been working a whole lot. everything changes when u see it for yourself. breathe in and breathe out while living life way down deep… loving without strings and making pinky promises meant to keep… genuine gestures extended as i try my best to be me and oh, may be sometimes i get stuck in the past but my wings are spread and i am getting ready to fly, wearing red lipstick and a hopeful heart.

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