memory is fickle, and our evaluations can have present bias, but i can’t remember a moment of pure euphoria, emotion and release such as friday night’s game between ma boys warriors and rockets (basketball game). it being a friday, i shouldn’t have watched the game but my anxiety and curiosity got better of me and after profusely apologizing to god for breaking his sabbath, i sat down on my bed, with my heart in my hands, and wrapped in a comforter just so i can duck into it and hide if things took a terrible turn. steph curry dislocated his fingers a couple of games ago and he couldn’t put ball in the basket even if someone gave him a wide berth. poor kevin durant as usual was putting in a spectacular fight and others are pulling their weight as well, but you know, every game was very tight and in my opinion rockets play dirty and unsportsmen like game as harden is notorious for intentionally causing others to foul by taking advantage of this fucking loophole in nba rules and then to make matters worse kd got injured in game 5 and was out for an indefinite period. (update: he & cousins will return for conf. finals but not sure which game)

so here we were at game six. i was 75% sure that warriors would win. (if kd was playing i would have said 100%) and i was telling myself that game 7 will be in warriors home court and so it would be a def. win in the event they lost game 6.

but by half time, warriors tied up the game and steph was at 0 and with 3 fouls on him, dray with 3 and both of them were off the court, and the bench was playing and warriors still tied the game but the whole bench and klay, kevon, dre, everyone showing up. it was so sublime.i was trying to think of why friday night’s win was so satisfying, why it legitimately feels almost as good as winning a championship. for three years we’ve had to hear “if you didn’t have kd you wouldn’t win”, and for almost 5 years we’ve had to listen to people talk about how “if it wasn’t for ______’s injury, you wouldn’t have won”. then we had to have daryl morey beautiful mind, an alternate reality where the rockets actually beat us in an attempt to say they only lost to us because of the refs.

now we know. the team everyone said could beat us got to play us full squad and without kevin durant. and they lost in their own building. i know people are going to keep going with their bull shit, but any doubt that our guys are fucking giants is gone. these dudes are just winners and for the last 5 years, steph, klay, draymond, andre and shaun have run the league. they showed that on friday night. and also i read that when curry wanted to put in some basketball time on thursday evening, and apparently chris paul got wind of this and came in and kicked curry out of the court even when curry said that he will stick to half a court. hence the reason why curry shouted, kick me off the court ? now cp can have the fucking gym all to himself !

i am first generation migrant to us. came here at the age of 19. never had the time to understand or get into american sports like football and basketball. then life happened and i got into basketball & football.

the year was 2015 (same year i got into patriots) just before warriors won their first championship, i was home, tv was on and my cat stepped on the remote changed the channel to some basketball game and warriors were on. this was during my dark and depressive days. a year after my husband passed away and everyday was a struggle not to kill myself & so instead i was selfharming. and i remember the game very vividly because i cut my thighs deeper than i intended because i was getting excited with the game and then curry’s daughter was with him in the press conference and she stole the show and during their first championship run is when i really started getting into basketball and warriors. have followed every single game since then.

long story short, i am what many people call a bandwagon fan. i am ok with it. i don’t know their history but i sure as hell know what this team has gone thru last 6-7 years. you ask why i would remain a fan even after they stop winning ? curry, klay, dray, andre, david west, mo, luke, kerr and everyone else who has been party of the journey except kd was not someone that most teams would pick as their first choice when we picked them. we built this team by truly developing our players as a team. i have never seen such an unselfish bunch of players working together the way warriors have. there are no insecurities. there is love for the game. there is joy in them playing together.

friday nights victory was the most emotional one for me. with kd and cousins out, steph’s issues with shooting – i didn’t want to loose to rockets. i don’t like them or their style of play. they as a team don’t display the level of sportsmanship that this game deserves, that our team upholds time and again.

this victory is what this bandwagon fan will share 20 years later about her team and what they did.

this is why some of us turn into lifelong fans. and here’s to all who try and shame people like me for jumping on the bandwagon….. suck my proverbial dick !

it’s 8:29 pm & i miss you

rainy, sunday, a list: sleeping in, cleaning the flat and doing laundry, reading the wuthering heights and drinking all the coffee, basking in the sunny warmth of my kitties, having long phone chat with eyetalian boy, watching sports & b movies and feeling good in a while. life is good.

it’s raining and i’m thinking of you – your death anniversary is a few days away, and i want to fast forward to next month. i am consumed by the pain of this loss of you and i can’t breathe.

so i miss you a lot and i could fall asleep right now, it’s so peaceful and i’m thinking about you and i am talking to you.

trust and truth, my lover you saw through all of my flaws— you used to say to me “you exist differently” you’re the kind of weather that gardens love

i’ve been learning about myself as of late and i’ve realized a few things… i’m forgetting you and it doesn’t feel good. but i guess a part of my fears of losing you again ie. is something that i’m trying to let go of because baby, our love didn’t last forever and that’s okay. i want to let go of all the anxiety, the sadness, the grief, the pain. i want to accept this wholeheartedly. you will always have my heart

i can hear the thunderstorms closing in, and do you think that the universe tries its hardest every single day to bring us together ? i can only hope that there’s divine intervention happening somewhere, but humans being humans can also be something familiar enough for us to stay. i miss cuddling and curling up against you and miss your kisses.

it’s 9:37 pm and my mind is running wild, hey, do you remember when we walked downtown late at night and got lost in the city ? i can still hear your laughter, i can still see my smile.

i think i have a terrible time keeping secrets away from myself and because i’m so excited to talk to you, and to tell you that i’ve been thinking about you

my heart raised high, my soul open wide, my love attached to your heartstrings, they say that unknown locations are the best vacations— i miss getting lost with you all the time and i fall in love with you more than enough times

you’ll always be my favorite way to experience love, light-hearted and tender, rough on the edges when necessary, but all things great fire-started by your smile and i still love you.

i do. i do still love you. we’re alright, sweetheart.

and when the rain stops, and you’ll vanish while i’m asleep, i just wanted you to read this and know that it’s authentic and genuine.

thank you for being my best friend, even if we’re no longer a couple these days, even if we do prove that even death can’t separate us.

it’s going to be a grand adventure regardless me struggling and you dead.

i just wanted you to know that i’ll never forget you. whenever it rains, i’ll remember you, us – you won’t be too far away. you will be wherever the flowers grow. and you’ll be right where the sun kissed the sky, and i’ll be waiting there for you as well.