peanut – day 2

i slept uneasily last night as i was worried for this little one and so when i finally got out of my bed this morning i made a beeline to my peanut. she had a nice bowel movement and so i changed her bedding and fed her with some banana, cat food and gave her some milk. (she does open eyes but here in the photos she is in food coma)

i’m pleased with myself because she is ok – when i was at work i thought of her, wondering how i can give multiple feedings during the days i go to work. should i bring her to work in a box and keep her in my desk and feed her every couple of hours ? bring her into the nursing station and change her bedding ? lol oh the possibilities !

when i got home and again i made a beeline to her and lo and behold, when i opened the closet door, i can hear her chirping and squeaking…. i got her out and changed her bedding and gave a sumptuous food made of cat food, banana and she did eat very heartily ! she opened her little beak to ask for more and we both are learning to do this. i got some eggs while coming home, and now i am hard boiling them so i can feed her some yolk.

now that it’s weekend, i should be able to care for her with more feedings. i also need to find a safe place both from my cats and the cool air as even though they are warm blooded, she still have no feathers and the temp in my house is below 65 to ward off humidity. i need her to have a bit of sunlight and not cooped up in a dark closet.

au revoir

peatnut’s mumther



say hello to little peanut, my latest rescue ! also categorize this under stupid things i do. i took off from work early as i got an alert that there would be flash flood. it’s been raining cats & dogs lately and the ground is so saturated and ripe for floods.

anyway, there i was got off the train & almost squished this little one. i think it’s a baby robin, and it was raining, so i picked her up, trying to find the mum. the parent birds were circling & i wasn’t sure where i should leave this one. and after carrying this little one for a whole half hour and i tried to put the bird in her nest. but i am short in height & so when i tried to use to a stick to place the baby, she fell again and was unconscious. my heart broke into a million pieces, and so i revived the bird and decided that she probably has better chances with me and she probably won’t survive if i leave it out.

i got into my car with the bird and cried a lot and prayed and asked god to watch over this one as a favor for me.

i made her a little nest and put her in a box and the box in a closet. i fed her a bit of cat food and i probably will give her more feedings of bananas & more cat food till i go to sleep. tomorrow i will buy her some eggs as well.

so now i’m a mumther for this lil peanut as well and hopefully i will post more updates on her well being.  #raising a chick in a house full of cats



so i am watching my boys les warriors play their 5th game, with their backs firmly against the wall as if they lose this game, they would lose the championship and i’m literally sick to my stomach also because i came down with flu. kevin durant finally made an appearance this night and i’m wishing my boys a victory and i won’t be all that torn up if raptors take this championship as they deserve it and also because they are from my husband’s home town team.

saturday night i went out with this bloke for a star gazing event. during summer months, some parks have star gazing events where you go to a lake after sundown and have a picnic; we have just had such a french evening. it started with an apéro (beer (he drank), pretzel, vegetables), then dinner with wine (all alcohol is him), baguette and cheese (i cheated and ate cheese), more wine, liquor and finally coffee. it was a lot of fun with my friend. en plus, c’était nuit étoilée !! justement parfait 🙂 j’espère qu’on aura encore plus de soirée comme ça ! and as our weather has been a bipolar bitch lately, it was cooler during the night and we stayed out till 1 am and hence i got the flu.

i woke up as usual and fed my kids and took my shower and came out and i felt really woozy and after debating with myself for a moment, i told myself fuck it and stayed home and cancelled my meetings etc.

over the weekend, i watched a couple of movies and one of them was one hundred foot journey because i wanted to feel something, and this got the job done. if you haven’t already, go and see the hundred foot journey, its simply delightful and i guarantee it will make you smile even on a crappy day.

i was laughing so hard as papaji reminded me so much of my mum especially when he was bargaining and this is so typical of indian people and i went through this phase where my mum would embarrass us in the market. but this is just not my mum, every one in india is expected to have a little bargaining skills. mumma would cut the price down to half no matter what the price may be and i would stand there horrified.

also rewatched kon tiki as well because i forgot most of the movie.

i also watched the straw dogs (2011) movie and this actor alexander skarsgard (who was a villain in this movie) reminded me of the american boy but he is much sexier.

along with this i watched a couple of more movies (a german and english) and they all have rape themes and what’s more irritating was the fact the women don’t speak out ! this is mainly perpetuated by women that too smart and educated women, who like to dress up so as to please men and are fucking needy to get noticed by men. what the fuck women ? my boss also mentions this to me and she says her boyfriend thinks she is fat and in my head i would be thinking don’t tell me shit like this because in a minute i will unleash my feminist rant and tell you to ditch any man who is so fucking shallow ! but i learned to shut my mouth because like many other women, she chose to stay in this relationship & i would be wasting my fucking breath by telling her otherwise ! and thank the fuck the men who i attract aren’t shallow and don’t get me wrong, i would like to be skinny healthy but i wouldn’t do it for a man. because any man who does this stunt on me gets my wrath as this fucking annoys me to no end and i will cut any man down to his size if he tries this shit on me because he is a man. i like intelligence and men who are intelligent gets my respect.

speaking of intelligent men, someone printed a meme where warriors logo was a handicapped sign because most of the warrior players are down with injuries and left it for me on my chair. at my work i am the lone wolf marching to her own band as i am an admirer or patriorts and warriors and every one else are for philadelphia teams who are mainly losers. so everytime one of my teams loses a game, i get these little memes printed and left on my chair and i thought its either my friend tom, or another colleague mike or tim as these are the people i regularly square off. but no one owned up and i decided it must be tim just because of the cleverness of it.

tim is also very funny and he cracks me up as he recently started opening up and confession he is my favorite person because he is not only intelligent but so very humble and i simply respect him & he is like a breath of fresh air.

i recently started growing an indoor lake (in a small glass bowl) as i love lakes and i prefer them to beaches and so i decided to own one. once i fully grow one i will post a photo. it is an interesting hobby. and also i will have a little koi pond once i buy a house. speaking of koi, if you haven’t watched the movie “salmon fishing in yemen” you must ! that movie was gloriously funny !

i bid you au revoir as i go and finish watching the game (durant injured, again and out) and hopefully witness my boys victory. i am stuffy nose and sore throat; troll who stay in bed until late in the evening and trying to sleep away the sickness that wreaks havoc in my body. i share tea and not disgusted by the germs i share, already infested. i play on my phone and i read until i fall asleep; the most unattractive kind… tissues in nose, mouth wide open, hair a mess. i wake hungry with no motivation to cook anything so i wait. we wait together.

simpler times


hey, you lovely people of the internet, i thought i’d like to post a lil life update, because i’m just very content these days

firstly a lil shout out to my hair which transforms itself into a 40s or 50s do & no, i didn’t do this on purpose as trying to achieve this do on purpose never works.

due to personal reasons, as in lack of motivation and more interesting distractions, i haven’t been very active lately and all through the month of may i walked around with my edges curled with insurmountable sadness.

apart from that, i’ve been going out a lot lately. i started dating some new people, which is becoming more and more time consuming but i’m also very happy at the moment. lots of dreamy, surreal nights, and tonight, as we had free ice cream for dinner at a new bar in my neighbourhood, it finally started to feel like summer 🌼

i kind of realized that i’m not giving myself a chance at happiness and so new people (age is no more relevant) if they can hold my attention by conversing with me intelligently and if they want to go out for a dinner or coffee, i’m saying yes. but as i’m not seriously looking for a mate, i’m having a ball & have rules for the blokes…ie have to be an active christian and a sabbath keeper. as coelo puts it, i closed some doors not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance but simply because they lead me nowhere

italian and i raced our cars recently on memorial day weekend and it was super fun ! thinking of finally getting my passport done so i can get away for a weekend or two and also as my dates are offering to fly me out here or there and oh why not as long as i get back before my kids start missing me – but i don’t think i would do any of that fun traveling at least this year tho.

but before any of that, i’m so looking forward to a camping trip in june ! i can’t wait to go back and trek on appalachian mountains ! there’s nothing more dreamy than camping and dancing (it would just be me) and getting wild in the nature together with my church folks.

my boys warriors have over come all kinds of odds and are crowned as the western conference champs and are sitting pretty and though i am pleased that raptors are in finals and tho they have parallels with warriors, i still think my boys will prevail and take the championship with steph curry as mvp… durant is still out. all in all it should be a great basketball event and i still would love it even if warriors lose (think positive thoughts, think positive thoughts).

i recently started reading arundhati roy’s “the god of small things” and gosh this book tho ! i am totally speechless and my eyes are misting with happy memories when i read through the book especially those parts which evoke memories of my childhood (as the book is set in india). but this book itself is sad. as it’s my habit, whenever i love something, i tend to savor it slower than i want to and thus extend my pleasure and so i would read a lot of pages in a bit and then i force myself to not touch the books and then i ruminate on the passages which i just read through. i keep wondering how long did it take her to write this book as each and every sentence is packed with meaning.

i watched a great amazon series “fleabag” – it’s about badass women like me who have gone through a lot and have hard time doing anything other than exactly what they want to do !!

my vegan diet has ups and downs – up as i am making an effort to cook and eat healthy and down because somedays i just don’t have motivation and i find myself eating goddamn french fries. oh i got myself a case of mangoes and the smell of the mangoes !! it’s something else, i keep getting transported back to my childhood days of eating indian mangoes (these are mexican) pregnant with sweet nectar and enchanted smells… the hot summers in india… the dry dusty roads, sleepy afternoons, the sugar cane man who comes in the afternoons, the big ass blue bottle flies attracted to the rotting fruits, and me up a mango tree with a book and a cat ! am i getting old and nostalgic ? perhaps…

so i fitted another puzzle piece to my asthma… i figured my breathing if shallow and off as, a while ago i had panic attacks and dreaded breathing, and this rendered my diaphragm weak and nonfunctional. i started working on my chest and diaphragm during my free times, or whenever i get a chance, i started to work on my breathing and on strengthening my diaphragm.

i guess all that pollen & humidity and so i gave in a took a course of steroids – while i was on steroids, (oral), i’m almost panicky because i know that bloating & weight comes back – and one of those days, here i was having that inner battle with myself when american boy came bouncing to my desk demanding why i scheduled a particular meeting when he will be away in july – i was almost saintly even though i really wanted to slap him back into his place. but i decided i will be an adult & dealt with him while grinding my teeth.

train journey now-a-days is painful as it’s getting hotter and the train cars are fewer and we are all getting packed in like fish in a sardine can. the other day, a man smelling of cigarette smoke came and sat in the seat behind me and i can still smell him. i was still thinking about if i should move and getaway from this ashtray and not give myself a cancer when a woman came and sat next to me (i was on the aisle side and she was in the middle of a three seat) and i swear, she smelled of stale cunt and i was thinking what were you doing before you actually got on the train ? so here i was caught between an ashtray and a day-old cunt and i was completely immobilized with these smells and only saving grace was the guy in my opposite seat with who i was playing tag with our eyes. and a few weeks ago, i was on a late train and this guy comes and sits next to me with really strong perfume & oh lord, i was sick to my stomach and nauseous and for the rest of my train ride, i contemplated whether or not to throw up on him or not.

after memorial day, two days in a row, i got home to tornado warnings & soaked to skin… i was a bit panicky as i have 17 cats and i wasn’t sure how to get them into a closed room – my friend was telling me, get into the bathtub with them, and then he adds, preferably a bathtub without water… le bastard !

lavender skies are spreading about as i settle down to watch the game 2 of the basketball. i’ve been dancing with the shadows and i’ve been wasting my time just to see happiness crawl back into bed. i’ve been there and done that. i’ve tried everything just to understand how i should act when i no longer know myself. i’ve been through so much as of late… i do feel like it’s not possible to love myself sometimes… but when i remember your kindness. it does it get better. i’ll always try to keep my demons at bay. i want to take you with me to all the places i go inside my head, but i bruised my lips saying your name. if hell lives in the gap created when i lost you, and still you are in my dreams, like it’s rea. and i know that moonlight only dances when it’s shining in your eyes, and though i’m only whole when you’re beside me, you still take all the air with you when you leave. like i have loved you a hundred years ago, and i have flashbacks from the love i lost. i know we spend half of our lives searching for a soulmate and heart breaks when we least expect it, but i have been lucky as the right person found me. you’re still someone i write about, but i’m all out of prayers – please fold my hands.