summer in the city


here’s my kitty girl petals, absolutely gorgeous and grateful. animals are so grateful when you attend to them and ease their pain and sickness. i have been showered with affection, once their fever, pain, feeling uncomfortable has left them. it actually pains me physically when they are ill, as they can’t tell me how much of a pain they are in and where exactly it hurts. so i think whatever money i spent on them, is worth it as long as they are well.

i love this song ‘summer in the city’ – i think it’s cool and applies to me in every way especially now in my present condition. but recently i found myself in american boy’s office (he has been a pest since a couple of weeks on a little matter which, in my opinion, was no big deal). but there i was sitting in front of him, and for the first time since i have known him, i was not actually annoyed as he has this knack of driving me up the wall. i was thinking of this song all the time i was speaking with him, even though, i completely forgot the lyrics, i finally realized i actually associate american boy with summer or vice versa.

when i’m sitting so close to him i can feel his breath i wonder if he knows i’m going to replay this moment in my memories for the next few moons or for the sound of his laugh is a sunday afternoon. his sparkling, devilish eyes make me delirious the witty, back-and-forth banter exhilarates me the sultry smile we secretly share is enough to convince my exalted mind to give it all up for more of this bittersweet paradise of lust and laughs where it’s so hard to read his charming words and clever spurs how could i ever decipher what this energy between us is (i’m content in my ignorance so long this ends in a kiss) every fiber in my body tells me i’m not allowed to feel anything for him but don’t they know that telling me i can’t makes me want to even more so much so that it (you) (this) consumes my every waking thought as he, calm and charm, play me like sport  but that’s just it even if i lose the final score the game was worth it. and more. but gosh, i love me orgasms on a regular basis & i can’t wait for him till he comes to his senses. lol,*wink*

so for the  boy’s sake i’ve been rewatching poldark series as he didn’t & also as the final season is upon me, i would like to refresh my memory of the storyline – i say this because, this weekend was quite hot and humid, and boy and i, tho briefly ventured out for a game of tennis, soon we locked ourselves indoors (my asthma flared up again and i’m yet again on another prednisone course). protagonist ross and his wife demelza are constantly going through these problems (if you watch it you know) & i have a little summary as well to fill you in. anyway, getting back to the point, the boy took a shining to demelza, and a week or so ago, after a night of marathon sex, i opened my eyes, turned to the boy as he was lying next to me in effulgent bliss, and the first words out of his mouth were, eleanor tomlinson (demelza poldark) has nice red hair, may be you should try red hair. now, i’m not a very jealous person, but what with my feminist thinking and all,  i would never change who i am even if i want to look dazzling. i wanted to slap him, but i believe in punishing people in a subtle ways, and so i started calling him ross (that’s not his name) and imitating demelza, i am currently going ‘yes ross’. ‘no ross’, ‘tis okay, ross’ and he is begging me to stop, but i think, i will continue for another couple of weeks.  

on poldark: i know this is a historical fiction set in 1800s in cornwall but is anyone else just getting sick of how flat the characters in poldark are becoming ? every single episode, no matter what ‘lessons’ they have learnt in other seasons, they just behave and interact in exactly the same way like they did in the past.

like, morwenna is always this meek crying girl (when she was with drake she was sad bc it wasn’t ‘correct’ that she loves a boy of a low-birth, when she was married she was sad because, obviously the man was a brute and a monster and a sex addict, then she was widowed and she was still sad, then she was free and got married and was still sad. i’m blogging because of my ptsd but she can have some range of emotions other than just being on verge of tears for every scene,

demelza is always complaining, playing victim and losing faith in ross or herself (despite multiple times them having the final ‘we love each other revelation. seriously, she has almost left him…what, four times now ?), oh dear god, give it a fucking rest.

ross is always being rash and making stupid decisions & at a drop of hat runs to his family home trenwith or to elizabeth thus enfuriating george, not that this ass needs an excuse to get his feathers ruffled about ross.

george (antagonist) is just always being evil, (was there actually any point to the whole madness thing if he is just going straight back to full force evil george again ? and dear god, george ! why are you so jealous of ross ?

dwight is just this voice of reason, even when he makes such stupid impulsive decisions like joining the navy on a whim etc….  caroline doesn’t even have enough screen time to be repetitive in any way

like i feel we are just watching these cogs turn round and round and nothing ever really changes or develops. any serious issues like death or ptsd seem to be stuck and then just swept under the rug and kind of ignored. the characters never learn. they never change.  may be humans never change no matter what age or how technologically we all develop. and don’t get me started on the whole tone of this season and how every ‘good character’ naturally has the modern view of opposing slavery completely and not being racist at all, even though this is the 1800′s… ugh.

i watched the second game of patriots (football season is upon us again lads) against titans because i had to record the game and surely when i was checking the score in between the poldark they were at 8 to titans 17 and this morning when i checked the score fully expecting them to have lost but, goddamn, they won ! my boys won and yes i know it’s just preseason but hotdamn !

well, i am off to bed and i love being asleep and i love being in bed but i hate going to bed because it requires so many small rituals and bedtime activities i wish i could just automatically transport myself into bed the moment i get sleepy already with my teeth brushed, in my pajamas, phone set down to charge, alarm set, entire body marinating in an artisanal mix of 24 herbs and spices and sealed in a sous vide bag, etc

bonne nuit !

anatomy of a cat mum

(with photos !!)

this weekend is gorgeous and on friday when i was coming home, i made plans to go to peddlers village for a peach festival. so saturday morning when i woke up, i decided i will go to church and come home, and then go to the peach festival. but of course, it wasn’t meant to be as my girl petal’s is constipated and i couldn’t bear to watch her suffering so i took her to the vet to get her going again (she got an enema) and this took care of my entire saturday.

hopefully sunday, i will try and get to the peach festival.

one of my boy cats, z pack (photo below), is incredibly sweet and wants nothing more than to be within a 2 ft radius of me at all times, gently chilling in my orbit. he is also very, very dumb and to make matters worse, i’m semi-positive that he is also deaf. (i say that because he was a rescue cat – actually i was blackmailed into taking him in by one of my church members – by telling me that if i don’t take him in, he would go to a shelter.) anyway, usually my boy cats are very very needy for their mum.

a couple of weeks or so ago, it was a slow lazy sunday morning so i was reading, not making much noise or moving about. meanwhile, z pack goes downstairs to stare out of the french doors and when he was done staring out, he sat at the bottom of the stairs, and he starts yowling like his lil heart broke. i jumped out of my bed and go to the top of the stairs all worried like, and wave my hands to attract his attention (remember he is deaf) and then asked him “z-pack, what’s wrong ?”

kitty zips back up the stairs and just oozes onto my feet, purring high-powered lawnmower style. when the realization hit me at once

this. boy. this itty bitty kitty boy !

he couldn’t see me for ten continuous seconds, forgot. i was actually home. and immediately burst into tears  !!!!


(z pack: i just took a shower & getting dressed (still naked) when he demanded he wanted cuddles)

indeed, my boy cats are dumb and needy little men. comparatively, the girl cats are super smart, to wit, i give them canned (fancy feast) food (one can per cat) on paper plates as i can’t be bothered with cleaning etc, some flavors are tastier, me thinks, than others as they lick their plates clean. because the paper plates are light, they tend to move away from the cats when they are licking up their food. so in one instance, i saw my kitty girl skittles weighted the paper plate down by putting her paw on it while my dumb kitty boys were chasing the plates about.

though they be stupid, they are velvety soft and excessively affectionate and they are all extra good made for hugging !

my cats still haven’t grasped certain things: showers are wet (the boys try and get into my shower while the girls circle thinking that i may be in danger of drowning) / thinking like a ninja doesn’t make one a ninja / my feet are friends and not chewy toys / clumsy fat kitties can’t fit behind anything expensive esp electronic devices as their mum doesn’t get extended warranties / biting is only nice when it’s mutually consensual / closets and cupboards are not that exciting / there are better places to nap other than my head / i have fed them not a few seconds ago / also, when i get up it’s not for feeding them / gravity always goes down ?? / people who don’t like cats should be left alone when they visit their mum

it is super hard to get a still photos of some cats more than others – for example sonu (below), he is completely in love with me, but he tries to hide it. he comes, sneaky like, when i’m lying down; he would look at me sneakily from the stairs when i am in the kitchen; but he wouldn’t let me take one good photo of him – i’ve so many photos but none great


(sonu: look how annoyed he looks !)

sunday: woke up late as usual a bit groggy as my night was disturbed with z pack sitting next to my head and purring with his high powered lawn mower purrs – that kid doesn’t understand that he should purr softly…  i let out minnu and sonu for a few minutes into my backyard as they love eating grass, but once i blinked he hopped into my neighbors yard and thank god i had my pants on and so i chased him a bit from my side of the fence wondering if i should wake my neighbor up when minnu got spooked and came back into the house. i think i probably won’t go to peach festival but instead will go to gym and work out a bit and may be after lunch go to chester valley trail for some hiking / walking and take in some nature. (bonus photos of buttons (orange), another kid who doesn’t let me hold him to take photos and minnu (the kitty who actually loves taking photos with me)


delicious living

this is how my summer is going  for me. on weekends or holidays, i’m usually a lovely mess waking up, late, with lots of summer to-do lists (not always able to complete them); after feeding kitties, moisturize and workout a little; i don’t always plan to leave the house, unless the sun and nature beckons me; i listen to the same old few songs on repeat; may be try a little new recipe; i spend way too much time in book stores, late summer night walks and summer selfcare; i try and leave my windows open but goddamn humidity y’all !

this friday i took off from work to go spelunking in central pa (penn caves), but by the time i took care of a few things, it was late and so off i went with the boy to some caves which were a bit closer. i love the coolness and the smells of these caves.  we had a little picnic under some trees – i bought a multigrain bread and a raspberry, citrus blossom cake in a french bakery. i’ve fallen off of the vegan wagon last month (july) and so i thickly coated my bread with butter and jam. we rolled around on the blanket eating cherries and grapes watching the clouds drift by. it was still humid but i was ok and when it became unbearable for me, we took off and cooled off in a restaurant and had some tea. in my opinion only a fool chooses to spend time surrounded by concrete and people. while in nature, there is wonderment, and magic !

i love you to the moon, the boy says and his words are my undoing as he whispers secrets with each syllable which just cuts through my skin and sinks deeper. his eyes continues to capture mine while he watches me purest affection. his touch makes my skin goosebumpy and tingles cascade through my body. so all the way to the moon and back (roughly about 9 hours) i was giddy with smiles and happiness. not sure yet but may be i can love him. i am not prepared to be ready for this love. but it feels wonderful and very gradual and grown up…

my brain is an amazing organ all by itself and it thoroughly entertains itself at my expense. i usually don’t dream a lot like some people do. dreams are the emotional resolutions of the days activities and converting them into long term memories. but my brains resolves in sitcoms ! i already reported the sitcom where i’m in a full-fledged relationship with the american boy and now i’m probably in episode 8 or 9. but here is a new sitcom my brain concocted. everyone who knows me a little, knows that i’m a francophile and i love all things french. a while ago i dreamt that i decided i would go to germany and that too i would take a train. and so off i go to germany, and then i take a train. i go to this café, have a coffee and then i decide i would stay at some boy’s apartment. and i roam this german city (not sure the name) on a local bus and then take the goddamn train back to us.

a week ago, my brain presented me with episode 2 of this sitcom i call “train to germany”. this is a bit of a horror episode. i end up getting into a roman theatre like place where there are a group of youngsters are making fun of this person (a man) and he was serving all of us some coffees and cakes. i seem to be not a part of the group but i was offered coffee anyway but i don’t drink it. then i realize that the group became unconscious one by one and at that moment, i realize the doomed situation i was in and i just get up and walk away and this guy doesn’t pay any attention to me at all but he starts hacking at them. so i walk away fast and not sure what my intentions were but i don’t seem to be looking for police or anything.. so i walk and look around and hop on a bus but then i realize this bus is going to take me past this amphitheater and my heart starts pounding because i know that guy may be there and he may recognize me and come after me… i look at the theatre while the bus was going and he was doing to a puppet theatre with these people (and i can clearly see the blood on their clothes) and there ends my dream as i wake up with terror.. what the fuck brain ? ! ?

i have watched a couple of movies on netflix and a series called “another life”. nothing exceptional but i thought that “another life” is a collection of b-rate stars but the storyline was kind of unique and so i sat and watched it while giggling to myself.

i started reading the book “jude, the obscure” by thomas hardy. this would be a great spot to introduce “inspector morse” series and john thaw who acted as morse. the new series endeavour is about baby morse when he started off as a police sergeant.  anyway, morse seeded my love for classical music and because of him i got into opera and symphonies. it’s remarkable how i learn(t) a lot about stuff which molded my personality because of characters from books and tv shows (esp britcoms) – oh the reason why i am rambling about this was this book i am currently reading was because morse was reading this in some episode. lol

also on tumblr i recently came across this photo of a cuneiform clay tablet dated about 1750 bc from the ancient babylonian city of ur (abraham’s city) which was in essence a complaint about the delivery of a wrong grade of copper. i mean it’s in essence babylonian era problems; i mean how pissed should you be to sit and etch on a clay tablet !

and i further researched about it and i found out a couple of additional facts which illuminates the true hilarity of the situation and the merchant’s name was ea-nasir

he wasn’t just into copper trading. there are letters complaining about ea-nasir’s business practices with respect to everything from kitchenwares to real estate speculation to second-hand clothing. the guy was everywhere.

the majority of the surviving correspondences regarding ea-nasir were recovered from one particular room in a building that is believed to have been ea-nasir’s own house.

like, these are clay tablets. they’re bulky, fragile, and difficult to store. they typically weren’t kept long-term unless they contained financial records or other vital information (which is why we have huge reams of financial data about ancient babylon in spite of how little we know about the actual culture: most of the surviving tablets are commercial inventories, bills of sale, etc.).

but this guy, this ea-nasir, he kept all of his angry letters – hundreds of them – and meticulously filed and preserved them in a dedicated room in his house. what kind of guy does that? i mean, in a way we should all strive for the passive aggressiveness and pettiness of ea-nasir ! #goals !!

i can’t believe july is finally finally over.. for me it felt like a whole year.. i knew this summer would be long and heavy cause i am waiting for something critical and life changing in the fall, but i didn’t realize july would be so very dicey ! i’m trying to make a difference in august. last month, and i know this month, will be hard. the weather is killing me. apparently, heat and humidity don’t mix well with asthma. that’s hard for me because i have always loved summer. this is the first year ever that i said i can’t wait for winter. i don’t mind cold and it also bothers me re. asthma. i have stopped recording what i am eating but i am eating healthy which is good. but i have slacked a bit but need to get back on schedule. i have almost have a plan to avoid getting into asthmatic episodes and thus avoid taking prednisone. on one hand, i have not yet gotten rid of the fat which i put on from the past two courses of prednisone.

in the crimson blush of the day, i’m suddenly reminded of all the bubbling dreams on our shoulders. all the well-meaning promises and the constellation of tomorrows resting in our hands. do you sometimes feel yourself full of moonlit hopes ? in the violet night, i feel unafraid. that somehow i can stretch my arms to wrap around the world and find homes in even the darkest corners. sometimes, the seemingly endless sky makes me believe in people with forest green eyes and a laugh dripping with rivers of sunlight. i think if i search farther enough, i can find the air shaking and parting to bring me beautiful truths and people with soft-intentions. the truth is, nothing is for certain. but maybe if we blow enough candles and wish on enough dandelions, maybe we can keep watering all the rosy and hopeful hearts.

31/07/2019 – cuddles