all that jazz….

i feel like november whizzed by with barely a bat of an eyelid this year. time seems to be passing in very strange ways for me at the moment; the days dragging out and weeks feeling impossibly long, i spend the majority of my time trying to distract away from reality / pass time as quickly as possible (to little / no avail at the moment) but the months ? the months are flying by ! like how in the name of fuck is it december already ?!?

my drives to work (or anywhere else tbh) got really spectacular…classical which makes me feel as though i were flowing, and autumn / winter is magical time of the year as the air is crisp and clean. as i mentioned before i started driving to work every day and after experimenting with various radio stations to distract me from the people on the road, i finally hit wrti 90.1 (classical and jazz) and wow my drives got so much emotional and sublime ! almost all my drive time i’m usually tearing up as this music is coursing through me, filling me up with this sweet music.  mornings they play classical and during evenings they play jazz (after 5ish). i have missed both so much ! i used to regularly attend symphonies at kimmel and went on dates with my husband to jazz bars especially zanzibar blue in philly and god i miss dressing up chic and swinging to the blues !

i love classical and jazz because they are so chilling, they give me the sense of relaxation. so when i am driving back from work, with sun already set and driving through the dark and windy roads, jazz transports me to those cool air-conditioned, dimly lit, luxurious bar, (smoke filled i imagine myself) i can just feel the cold air surrounding me whenever i listen to these jazz and blues music.  you can just feel the vibes and you could just feel how much you wanna start singing out loud and as i don’t know the lyrics i just go humming., i know i am not completely able to convey my feelings when i listen to jazz and classical, but what i can surely say is that these both music genres are relaxing as a great fuck !

this evening i was moved by these two particularly – listen to these and you will thank me.

yo-yo ma havanaise op 3 saint saens (the swan).

mark whitfield – harlem nocturne

on thanksgiving eve, i went shopping gathering the needful stuff so i don’t have to run around on thanksgiving day and friday.  while driving, i have been listening to wrti and driving around from shop to shop like a little bee buzzing about and i was driving home when they started playing the requests and someone requested dvorak string quartet no. 12 in f major lento “american” by hagen quartett (https://youtu.be/20cwxpo338i) and the timing was perfect… the breeze started picking up and it was becoming windy and all the autumn colored fall (fallen) leaves were beckoned by this gentle wind and they started dancing in a swirl of golden memories and it was the loveliest sight of all ! lads let me tell you, i was moved so much at this sight and as this music started bathing me with emotions and found myself crying helplessly… string instruments like violins have a knack to evoke melancholia ?

i chuckled to myself when i saw american boy as he walked into the kitchen at work while i was busy going through my brewing coffee ritual. he and i are like twinsies as we often wear same colored shirts / tops : case in point, i wore a black shirt today & he waltzed in wearing black. whenever i see american boy, i’m reminded that love is such a losing game.

a lot happened since my last blog and so a few updates: october ran away taking the rest of the leaves. the day before halloween i came home to find a kiddie drawing on my front porch. it brought me so much joy and it was done by scott’s (my neighbor) daughter. her name is kinsley (at first i thought her name was kinthia). she is 7 years old and one day i had a brief convo when i let out my twin boy cats for some sun and fresh air out in our backyard and she was playing with their dog. though i don’t do halloween, i bought her some candies as this little gesture of hers gave me such pure pleasure.

patriots have lost another game sadly, but i’m ok as i’m pretty sure they will win the superbowl ! warriors, my fav basket ball team, have many baby warriors, and steph curry, and others are injured and needless to say, we won’t be making it to the playoffs… i’m fine with that as well and whenever the baby warriors are playing, i keep muttering to myself “i’m groot”

i’ve been limping a bit lately as i’ve a pinched sciatic nerve. not sure how it happened. i had a massage the previous day from another masseuse as my regular one was on vacation. and that same night, during sex, i got all twisted up and semi fell on to the floor (not much distance to fall as i only have a mattress and no bedframe) but the point is i have ended up in a weird angle and we continued to have sex which i later regretted as i ended up with some bruises and pains and this may have also twisted my hips  well serves me right !

thanksgiving was grand as i caught up with lots of shows and ate a lot.. slept a lot  ! boy went to visit his grandparents (he wanted me to go and i’m not ready yet. more of the point is will i ever be ?!?)

i have also bought astronomy binoculars a step towards buying a bad-ass telescope as i so badly want to look at the moons of jupitar and the rings of saturn ! speaking of planets, there’s a great semi-documentary on netflix called “mars”. and yours truly also bought solar binoculars to look at some sun spots and solar flares…  i will take a trip soon to cherry springs state park to have a star gazing picnic with the boy and i am going to join an amateur astronomers club…

i am planning to have some cozy long winter drives, day dreams and night theories… where in those long, midnight drives, somewhere in those letters of i love you’s i never said, in the creases of my month-old sheets and in the calls i never made, somewhere between the daybreak and quiet sunday mornings, between the lamp posts in the streets, between tonight and the first night i knew you, between the sounds of hellos, and the sound of my heart breaking – somewhere out there, darling, is a place where i’m still holding you in my arms.

(2019-12-03)

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